Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
