And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
