Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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