Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
