He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize