Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
