forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
