the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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