We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
