you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
