what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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