Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
