No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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