I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize