Will you blow on my dice?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
