somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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