Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just threw up on my dentist
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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