girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How does it feel to date your dad?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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