I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We got so high we made milksteak
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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