I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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