We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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