So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
