The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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