you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
