So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
