you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
