wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
last night I used snow as a chaser
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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