We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize