I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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