Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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