its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
