Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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