Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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