I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
