My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
