I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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