Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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