I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
