You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
