i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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