Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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