i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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