Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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