It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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