Im at strip club and am horny
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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