New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
