im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
