yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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