perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
