I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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