She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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