Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
