i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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