I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
