Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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