When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize