If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
