You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
