we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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