Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
